Friday, August 5, 2011

I really don't mean to offend anyone by anything I say, and depending on what you are offended by, I apologize in advance.
Let's get this road on the show!

1. I absolutely HATE baby talk. Go ahead. Do it. I will vomit all over your face. And also like, saying weird words and phrases that people think make them sound cute, but really just make them sound like a trashy hoe? Like the word ‘panties’ [and ‘undies’. it isn’t as bad, but still vomit-worthy.] [[and I hate this face 70% of the time :D]]

2. On Facebook, why all of a sudden can you not creep through pictures and use chat at the same time? This takes all the fun away from tandem creeping.

3. Even though the new Facebook thing sucks, it is still so much better than twitter. I hate twitter more than I hate most things, and I will also vomit all over the face of the next person that tells me to start using mine again. It was ‘cool’ like, a few years ago, and then people stopped using it, and now it’s ‘cool’ again. Don’t fall for it, it’s not as sweet as people say it is!
Also, what on earth is google+? I hate people who are all like, ‘Oh yeah, google+ is the new facebook, if more people on this earth were as smart and technologically advanced as me, then we would all be on google+, only dumb people still have facebook, I’m so cool, lolz.’ Screw you, I don’t care about your life as a technology snob.

4. I’m starting on a pretty hefty project. It’s going to be awesome, though!

5. I am in love with Victoria’s Secret. Seriously, there’s something about that store that makes me NEED everything there. They need to have a bridal registry, FOR REAL.

6. This is exciting, be excited. I AM NO LONGER A CAFETERIA WORKER, HOORAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! NO MORE BACON GREASE UNDER MY FINGERNAILS! NO MORE HORMONALLY CHARGED EFY KIDS! NO MORE HAIRNETS! NO MORE COMMUNITY HATS! NO MORE KETCHUP CAKED IN MY ARMPITS! NO MORE SCRAPING OFF HALF-EATEN FOOD OFF OF DISHES! …and most importantly NO MORE BEING [completely] POOR!!!!!!!!!

7. I CANNOT listen to music and read/study at the same time. I really don’t like a lot of noise, and I ABSOLUTELY HATE when people don’t use headphones, or leave music playing/the tv on and go do something else. Seriously, there probably isn’t anything more that makes me want to die.

8. Not giving a crap is a good mindset to have.

9. I went to the farmers market today! I AM IN LOVE. Farmers markets are one of my favorite things in the whole world.

10. I love the little stupid things that make your day. I was walking to work, and some girl was like, ‘hey, your shirt is super cute!’, and it like. Made my life! I should do more things like that. It really is so easy!

11. I love people. I really do! I feel like I really am not a mean person, and I’m pretty DANG tolerant and patient. Sometimes I don’t think people understand how HUGE of a biznatch I have the right to be.

12. I have an all-sports pass, woohoo!

13. Have you noticed that there are two types of cute girls? There are cute girls that are actually cute, physically! And then there are types of girls that are extremely not cute, at all, ever, not in the slightest, but they put so much effort into cute outfits, hair, makeup, etc., that they fool you into thinking they’re cute! Is that super rude, or just a little rude? I mean, most people I think are cute, either way. I don’t hate on girls that aren’t cute, this is just an observation!

14. I LOVE sending/getting mail! Let’s be pen pals!

15. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. If anyone has any ideas, throw them at me.

16. I feel like people make non-awkward situations awkward by saying, ‘Ew, this is so awkward.’ Okay, thanks, dude. Now it’s awkward, but it totally wasn’t before. And even if it was, who cares? Life is awkward. You’re awkward.

17. I complain a lot. I complain to people a lot. Before I complain, I try to make sure that I have a right to complain. If I don’t, it can be hard to try and save your sorry self from ONE. the hugest whole in world that you dug yourself in. and TWO. The horrific WRATH of whoever you are complaining to, that obviously has all the right to complain.

18. I need more motivation to look cute.

19. Picnik pictures are super annoying, and hardly ever cute.

Monday, August 1, 2011

1. I haven’t posted in a while. I feel kind of off-balance or something. I blame Ohio. Ohio threw off my running schedule, too. Boo.

2. In my last post, I said I had a secret. My secret was that I was going to Ohio for a week and a half! I hung out with my family, ate a ton of food, bought a ton of freaking clothes, and partied with some cool kids! It was a little sad, though! I felt so limited on time, and there were a ton of people that I didn’t get to see! Oh well.

3. In Ohio, I went KAYAKING! It was awesome! I didn’t die! Seriously I want to kayak all the time now!

4. Speaking of kayaking, I’m trying to get over my hatred for all things water. Last week, I went swimming TWICE! I even got my hair wet! It’s a work in progress, but I think water and I are starting to become friends.

5. I don’t think I have mentioned that I have been working FULL TIME! Like an adult! It’s so great!!! I couldn’t have asked for anything better!!! I work for/with THEEE most awesome people, too! How did I get so freaking lucky?!

6. Happy Pioneer Day! Hooray for Utah holidays that I didn’t know about!

7. DUDE. Okay this is one of those things that is a lot of information. If you are easily grossed out by too much information, or if you’re still under the impression that girls don’t have bodily functions, then maybe skip to number eight.
Anyway, I went running the other day. Here’s the play by play:
3:00pm – started run.
3:15 – met mr. awful, horrible stomach cramp, stopped and tried to walk it off.
3:17 – you know that nasty feeling in that certain pit of your stomach, where you know if you don’t find a bathroom real quick, you’re done for?
3:17:30 – tried to figure out a way to go to the bathroom inconspicuously.
3:18 – reassured myself that I have a mom and dad that will love me no matter what I end up doing to myself in that moment, and that I probably don’t know any of the people driving by.
[Note: I was in the middle of a huge parking lot with no bushes, no hiding spots, no port-a-potties, nothing. There were tons of cars, sports camp kids, random pedestrians, etc. My shorts were WHITE. It was a NIGHTMARE.]
3:18 – prayed to anyone and everyone that I could make it to a bathroom!
3:20 – spotted building that looked cool enough to have indoor plumbing.
3:20:10 – BOOKED IT.
3:20:25 – ran over a soccer mom, and possibly one of her six children. Sorry!
3:22 – MADE IT. OH GLORY HALLELUJAH. MIRACLES DO HAPPEN.
But seriously, what are you supposed to do in a situation like that?! I can only imagine the phone call with my roommate:
Me: Hey, uh. So I need you to come bring me a pair of shorts, like. Right now, okay?
Roommate: Wait, why-
Me: SHUT UP AND GET OVER HERE NOW.
Roommate: haaaaaahaaaahaaaaahaaaaahaaaaahaaa x forever
Really, though. Not that I plan on that happening again, but what if it does? What are you supposed to do? Maybe I’ll start an anonymous clean shorts service at BYU. That could potentially save some unlucky kids a lot of humiliation.

8. I’m a picky eater, but I’m trying not to be! I’ve been trying to like new things, I really have!
I’ve tried:
[ 1- totally not edible ever…..10- totally edible always]
Chicken noodle soup – 6
Chicken feet – -7865789431234567456
Weird Chinese food – 7
Weird Mediterranean food – 9
Hummus – 8
Eggplant – 5
Lasagna – 2
Cheeseburgers – 4
Gravy – 1
I feel kind of accomplished.

9. I think more people need to be aware of the fat mom rule. [Note: my mom isn’t fat, just so you know.] Anyway, if my mom was fat, I can say she is fat, but don’t you dare tell me that she is fat, even if she set the world record for fatties. Get it? This applies to other people who you feel protective over, not just moms.

10. Why am I not Aretha Franklin? Or Ariana Grande? Or Christina Aguilera? Or Joss Stone?

11. So I watched the movie Burlesque, and I have this problem now. I WANT TO BE A BURLESQUE DANCER. I don’t know that BYU would approve of that. I guess dancing in front of my mirror will have to suffice for now. –sigh-

12. Just for the record, I am in no rush to get married. I have been looking through my iTunes today and looking to see if there were any potential wedding songs, just for fun. Apparently I am not a girl. The only songs that stick out to me are either outrageously dirty, or not even closely related to weddings or love or anything like that.

13. I went to a local show! It was awesome! I fell in love… with a girl singer, a boy guitarist, and some awesome dreadlocks.

14. Harry Potter was amazing. J.K. Rowling is such a beast. I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing with my life now that it’s all over.

15. I move to a new apartment soon! I am SO EXCITED! I went and visited it, and it’s super cute! Ah! I cannot wait for fall semester to start!

16. Last night I made CAKE from SCRATCH in A CUP in THE MICROWAVE. It was DIVINE.

17. I’m pretty much on a first-name basis with the people who work at the BYU post office. It’s basically awesome.

18. I’m getting my wisdom teeth out in a few weeks. I am the BIGGEST baby in the whole planet. I called and scheduled my surgery and cried on the phone with the receptionist lady. For real.

19. I think I enjoy quiet more than the average person does.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

This post has a lot of information. Potentially useful information! I mean, if for some reason you were thinking that I would make a pleasant wife, I’m sure this post will change your mind! [and possibly your sexual orientation, which I will not hold myself accountable for]

1. In case you were wondering what it is really like to be a girl, I can help you out. [Note: This varies by girl, and by month.]
-WEEK ONE-
I am awesome! I seriously could plan like. Eighteen weddings right now! I am going to start running today! Actually, I’m going to plan out a whole workout routine for the next three months! Yeah! I cleaned out and organized my closet, too! And I scheduled my whole week into half-hour time periods so I can be super efficient and awesome! Everything is clean! I am a domestic goddess! I made a to-do list for every day this week, and I did everything by 10am, and today’s only Monday! Wow, I rock!
-WEEK TWO-
Man, I look gooood. I mean, seriously, I am a sexy woman. I don’t care if people see me check myself out in building windows, they would do it too if they looked like me! Really, working out has paid off! I look great! If it wasn’t against the honor code, I would walk around naked just so everyone could see how good I look.
-WEEK THREE-
EFF YOU. Seriously, stop effing talking to me. I can’t stand you, and I’m not going to pretend like I can! And I’m not going to apologize, either! Where the eff is my effing phone. Awesome. I found my effing phone. Guess who effing texted me. Nobody. Because I have no effing friends. Eff my life. This effing sucks. I hate everything. I’m an effing brat and I’m not going to ‘fake it till I make if’ or whatever that effing phrase is. I’m effing pissed, I don’t want to deal with you right now, and unless you have chocolate for me, get the eff away from me!
-WEEK FOUR- [*most recent [[which is why it is more detailed]], most inconsistent, most stupid]
MONDAY
-wake up crying. Forget why.
-stop crying.
-remember why you were crying.
-cry more.
-realize you haven’t eaten for a while. Feel nauseous. Decide nothing sounds good. Cry because you suck at eating healthy and you’re going to get a million diseases from not taking care of yourself.
-eat a slim jim because although ‘nothing sounds good’, slim jims always sound good.
-cry because you ate a slim jim and now you feel gross.
-cry because you feel stupid for crying over eating a slim jim.
-give yourself a pep talk. Feel good. Celebrate by finishing the whole box of slim jims.
-cry because you fooled yourself into eating a whole box of slim jims.
-go to the library and check out too many books in hopes that they’ll make you feel better.
TUESDAY
-try to act like you’re not an emotional wreck.
-cry because you realize you totally are the biggest emotional wreck that has ever existed in all of womankind.
-cry because you checked out way too many books from the library and you’ll never have time to read them all.
WEDNESDAY
-accept the fact that you’re going to be crying all day.
-decide that you need to cry, but you really have nothing to cry about.
-go to the lifetime channel website.
-watch sappy shows.
-cry.
-realize you’re out of tissues and you are about to get snot on either your pillow or your hand. You choose your hand and cry some more in fear that one of your roommates will see your blubbery, snot-handed self run to the bathroom in shame.
-stop crying.
-watch clip of lifetime show you just watched again.
-cry again.
-decide you’re tired of crying, watch a not sappy show on hulu.
-be excited because so you think you can dance is on hulu. Watch latest episode.
-cry at every background story of each dancer.
-cry at every dance number, even if they’re not sad.
-cry at your slow internet for skipping a few seconds during one of the numbers.
-cry because the commercials froze during the breaks.
-cry because the commercials were all the same during the breaks.
-cry because they have too many commercial breaks.
-cry because the dancers that got cut are crying.
-cry because you’re not on SYTYCD.
-cry because you’re not really that coordinated.
-cry because you’re seriously crying at SYTYCD.
-realize that you’re really dumb, but you can’t help but cry anyway.
-decide that there are two personalities inside you: realistic girl Jessica and hormonal girl Jessica.
-realize that realistic girl Jessica only has power over hormonal girl Jessica 75% of the time.
-realize that this is the other 25%.
-keep crying. Might as well.

2. I showered for no reason yesterday night. I had the coziest sleep EVER. It felt GREAT! I am considering doing that more often, but I seriously HATE being wet. I have so much hair! Bleh.

3. There’s this fancy snow cone place in Provo that I went to last week with Liz and Chelsea that totally blew my mind. I didn’t even think I was into snow cones, or shaved ice? What’s the fancy name for that? I don’t know. Anyhow, I was told to try the wedding cake flavor, which really doesn’t sound right at all, but let me tell you, it was a match made in heaven. Isn’t that weird, though? Wedding cake flavored ice? I promise, it is DIVINE.

4. Have you ever really thought about the phrase(s), ‘What the… cuss/freak/junk/heck/etc.’? How does that make sense?

5. I need to do more music-y stuff. For real.

6. I love volunteering at the MTC more than most things. In fact, [and this is really hard for me to say] I would probably pick the MTC over chocolate. Yikes. For real, though, it’s such a cool thing. The missionaries I have worked with there are ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. I could brag up a storm about each and every one them.

7. Sometimes I have these days where I feel super adventurously domestic. Some of these days end up in sad failures, but others end up with me feeling like a goddess. Today’s status: goddess.

8. I accidently erased four unread text messages Friday. I have no idea who they were from. Sad, sad, sad!

9. I LOVE just sitting around and listening to people.

10. I have never watched So You Think You Can Dance until this season, and I am COMPLETELY HOOKED.

11. I just found out that if you ask the workers, they will give you socks at the Provo temple. My life has been MADE. My feet have never been happier.

12. There’s no way I am the only one who listens to musical soundtracks and hyperventilates. I am probably going to die if I don’t belt my little heart out in the next day or so.

13. My ward has a pretty stellar bishopric.

14. My pink nail polish is like, dying. Sad!

15. I have bruises on my shins from walking into the shopping cart I was pushing. Am I challenged? How are you not supposed to walk into that stupid little bar at the bottom??

16. I feel like I’m trying really hard to be an adult/a big brave dog

17. There is no way to make tweezing your eyebrows fun.

18. I have a secret. It has potential to be exciting.

19. Happy Father’s Day!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

1. I'm out of chocolate. Don't say I didn't warn you.

2. Veggie Tales is SERIOUSLY hilarious.

3. I hiked the Y. And lived to tell the tale.

4. The amount of toilet paper three girls can go through in a week really blew my mind.

5. Also, I found out that I have a LIGHT under my shelf/desk thing. Mind= double blown.

6. I can proudly say that after a week of Liz and Chelsea visiting, none of us died, got kicked out of Utah, were arrested, etc. Success? I think so.

7. I SEVERELY need Harry Potter tickets. Even though every time my hormonal self thinks of the final movie, I cry.

8. My apartment complex got a tanning bed. Am I the only one that is not excited in the slightest about this?

9. Last Sunday was the first time I have been to relief society since... finals week? Whew. I went to all three hours of church, some meeting afterwards, an indexing party, AND ward prayer. I feel like a pretty stellar Mormon. Except when I tried logging into the church's family search website, my records aren't even in my new ward. Or in my old ward. Or in my home ward. Was I excommunicated without my knowledge?

10. My bishopric figured out a way to get me to come to relief society. I have been called as the relief society music... person. I don't know the official name for it, whoops. Basically, I pick the songs and lead the music. Not a lot of people know how much I hate singing in church. If I really want people to think I'm trying, I will mouth the words. I also completely hate leading music in all situations, and am not positive if I can even conduct and sing [er... mouth words] at the same time. Even though I just complained a whole bunch, I am actually really excited about my new calling! I think it will be good for me... haha

11. I am a huge freak. I made an excel spreadsheet of all the boys from my freshman ward that are on/going on missions that includes their mission and leave date in alphabetical order... I also made a word document of everyone leaving, including boys not in my ward, in chronological order, with dates separated into three week periods so that I know who to make cookies for and when... It's kind of awesome and stupid at the same time.

12. I went to the tumbling gym and tried my absolute hardest to be brave. I feel I was successful. I give myself a solid 'B' for effort.

13. It's hard to know when to be brutally honest about things.

14. I rode the TRAX to Salt Lake for the first time with Liz and Chelsea last week! I was scared, but we made it. =]

15. If I could, I would buy a bus pass and just ride it around all day to people watch/listen to bus conversations.

16. I'm pretty sure my broiler doesn't work.

17. Everyone complains about how annoying the EFY kids on campus are, but I think they're awesome!

18. Having long nails makes your hands feel dirty all the time.

19. I have been a super whiny/emotional/hormonal girl this whole week.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

1. I have discovered something. Whenever I am like, 'Dang, it's 2am, but I have to keep writing. I usually hate blogging and can never come up with anything to talk about, but suddenly I have all these opinions and I only have 19 slots, I have so much to say, but I'm pissed and I really don't know wh-...' I know to go buy some chocolate. It's an easier way to tell that I'm PMS'ing, because, to be honest, I'm a hungry witch ALL the time. I don't want to write ALL the time, though! Bingo.

2. Just because your teeth are showing doesn't mean you're smiling. And showing more teeth doesn't fix your problem either. Fake being happy a little better! [Or maybe just don't take the picture!]

3. I get way too excited about reading sometimes.

4. I LOVE my new MTC shift!

5. I HATE the phrase 'I guess'.

6. I have my headphones in at work, and I was on this website where the Harry Potter theme played [which I didn't know!] and I got so super excited and smiled so big! I tried to not smile because I felt dumb, but I couldn't, which made me look even goofier. I don't care about looking goofy, though. I loves me some Harry Potter.

7. At work, I was walking around looking important, and I saw a sign-up sheet for Dumbledore's Army. Zombie and velociraptor invasions will really suck and everything, but I think the Death Eaters are what we really need to be worried about. Thank you to whoever is starting this up at BYU!

8. I was looking at the dresses in DI, and this lady who was looking on the same rack held up a dress and was like, 'hey, is this anything you're looking for?' It totally wasn't, but I thought it was so sweet of her to try and help me, so I figured I would give the dress a shot. I tried it on, and holy crazy, that lady was smart! I would have never tried it on if it wasn't for her, isn't that funny? I'm actually wearing it right now, haha.

9. My running schedule was a little thrown off this week. Monday, I woke up late and went to the field house at around noon. I was running and minding my own business when a group of extremely attractive, shirtless, ripped, sweaty black men passed me on the track. Did I die and go to heaven? Seriously, BYU is great and all, but I had no idea it was that wonderful. The rest of the week consisted of me waking up early, then going back to bed so that I could go to the field house at noon, with hopes of catching another glimpse of the drool-worthy men. It didn't happen, unfortunately.

10. Really, I would be a lot more sad about not seeing the sexy black men again, but it was really a wonderful, fantastic, and sexy-filled day. I was in the parking lot on the phone with my dad, telling him about the sexiness that I just witnessed. I started to walk in between two cars in the parking lot when the one car's door suddenly opened. I awkwardly stepped back, when I looked up to see Charles Abouo. I think my eyes got really wide, I probably smiled really big, I may have peed in my pants, and I most definitely looked like the dumbest little schoolgirl, but I have no shame. It was such a magical [and totally sexy] day.

11. Bottled water is stupid. Provo water is GREAT! And FREE! If you need a water bottle, I'll give you one.

12. I got another job!

13. I want to have sexy arms.

14. I was running on the track, and I saw this [older] maintenance guy by his truck in the grass. He looked around, and then walked over to this tree. I thought he would, I don't know, do something work-related with said tree [he looked really important], but he didn't. He jumped and grabbed on to a branch and started doing pull-ups. It made my day!

15. I am NOT a hot weather person. At all.

16. I should keep a food journal. Not because I'm counting my calories, but just so I can show people how much food I eat. It's seriously incredible. I bought a loaf of bread Thursday, and today is Sunday and it's gone. And I wasn't eating straight bread for every meal! I made sandwiches for snacks.

17. 'Legit-ly' is not a word. 'Legitimately' is!

18. I don't find myself to be a super sexy human being or anything, but every day I went running this week, I was whistled/hollered at.

19. I think it's weird when people say, 'Let's play sometime!' when they're talking about hanging out. Like. what are we going to play? I mean, if you say we're going to 'play', we better seriously play. I would totally be down for playing with Barbies. Or dinosaurs. Or maybe a good game of hot lava.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

1. I was walking around at work, just checking a few things out, [translation: looking important]. Some girl called me over and told me how much she liked my outfit, and was just the sweetest thing ever! It totally made my day. Who says custodians can't look good?

2. I am praying that my blinds are at that angle where you can look out and not in. Not to get into too much detail or anything, but sometimes when your roommates aren’t home and you’re getting ready and your music is up real loud and you’re brushing your teeth or whatever, you just need a dance/karaoke break in front of the mirror before you finish getting dressed. Don’t act like you don’t do that.

3. I brushed my hair! It took around 30 minutes. There were a few potential dreadlocks. I really wish I were black so that I could pull off braids or something cool like that.

4. I am kind of lazy with some things, but I'm also super curious. Like, hm. let's see how long I can go without brushing my hair, and then I'll see what it looks like, and if I'll get dreadlocks, and how much hair I will lose once I brush it. Or, let’s see how long I can go without doing laundry, and what outfits I can come up with toward the end. My curiosity is fixed, and I didn't have to brush my hair/do laundry in the process! Win-win.

5. Now that I have/clean my own bathroom, I took a bath. It really was magical. I forgot how wonderful shaving is sitting down.

6. I'm really trying hard to be a good runner, or at least not a totally pathetic one. The other day, I got this motivation wave of an Olympic champion and ran like a freaking gazelle. It was awesome. I hope every person that drove past me thought, 'Look at that girl! Dang, she's doing some serious work!'

7. I almost got hit by a car the other day when I was running, no lies. I had the little white walking man, so I start to cross the street, and this adorable old lady [bless her heart] forgot that means stop, and apparently thought I was invincible or something. She had just pulled out of the temple, so I'm sure she's a good person and everything! Apparently being able to drive well is not one of the blessings of doing temple work. Oh well. I'm alive, and it made me run a little faster! =]

8. I have an incredible cousin, Sara. For real, she is a superhero, and deserves a really awesome cape. Her son has been illegally detained in Turkey for a little over a year now, and this week, she will be testifying before the House Foreign Relations Committee during a hearing on international kidnapping! If you want to send some prayers, good vibes, whatever you do her way, I'm sure she would appreciate it! [Also, here's a link to the Facebook page, in case you are interested, or even if you aren't. You should be though. Click on it either way. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bringing-Eli-Home/107675875938913]

9. I finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I really liked it, but it seriously pissed me off. I can't put my finger on why, though. Weird.

10. I went on quite the adventure the other day! It went a little like this:

[friend from Ohio] HI IM IN UTAH FOR A TRACK MEET

[me] HI MATT! K COOL LETS GET DINNER.

[Matt] COOL

[me] KAITLIN!

[BYU friend] YES?

[me] WE’RE DOING THIS

[Kaitlin] K

-bus ride there? Success.

-dinner? Success.

-bus ride home…?

We had figured out when we needed to be at this one bus stop [which neither of us have been to before], but we didn't think it would be too difficult. We found [what we thought was] said bus stop, and then the bus came, hooray!

[me] THIS IS GOING TO PROVO, RIGHT?

[bus driver] NO MAN, YOU NEED THAT BUS OVER THERE, BUT IT’S COMING NOW SO HURRY

[thoughts] WHERE THE FREAK IS THAT BUS STOP WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

[actions] RUNNING AWKWARDLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AND LOOKING CONFUSED

We got to the other side of the street and were desperately searching for anything that looked like a bus stop, when all of a sudden, a bus pulls over about two blocks behind us.

[my thought] STAY CALM, DON’T PANIC, IT’LL WORK OUT

[Kaitlin’s thought -> action] *RUN LIKE HELL

[me] OH HEAVENS

[Kaitlin] *screaming, flailing arms, screaming some more, running, running, running

[my thoughts] I have to stop laughing, I have to keep running, Kaitlin is the funniest thing in the world, I’m dying. I’m slow to begin with, I have a heavy backpack with my laptop, I can’t breathe, Kaitlin is going to leave me here by myself because I’m so slow!

The bus driver was a real saint for waiting for us.

[Kaitlin] WE DID IT

[me] WE ARE AWESOME

[both of us] *breathing super heavy, laughing, being obnoxious

[bus driver] …silence

[passengers] …silence

…Success? Yes. Adventure? Definitely.

11. I made bread! It was yummy, and oddly shaped, but still good. =]

12. I thought about going to work naked Saturday, since the world would end before my shift was over and all, but I chose not to. I'm glad I wore clothes, because I'm still here. That would have been embarrassing, and difficult to explain to the Honor Code Office.

13. I went to the wrong ward's sacrament meeting today, but it was awesome. One of the coolest mistakes I've made in a while.

14. The MTC people emailed me and put me on a shift! I have made a million phone calls, but have been too unsure of which shift to pick up, so I never left any voicemails. They made the decision for me! Cool, right? I’m so excited to get back into that.

15. I feel inspired after reading The Geography of Bliss. You should read it. You really, really should. It’s much better than my blog you’re reading right now, and if you say you don’t have time, then you’re lying because you’re reading my blog.

16. If I weren’t so terrified of being eaten by a bear, I would live in the mountains forever.

17. I want to see the Book of Mormon musical!

18. I love bonfires.

19. The Utah high school state track meet was this weekend at BYU. I could hear something going on from my apartment, so I figured I would check it out. I didn’t watch any events, but I got to hear everyone screaming and cheering, it was so cool! A few of the athletes and their families were parked near my apartment, so we walked together and they told me all about it. It was awesome! =]

Friday, May 13, 2011

I would apologize for the obnoxious length of this, but the number one point of my blog is for me to write. You reading it is number two, which is still important, but not as important as number one. I enjoyed writing this, which makes me 100% happy, and with the way my brain functions, even if you hated it 100%, my 100% happy level doesn't decrease. Isn't that great? I'm just rolling in mud, either way!

1. This will sound really ridiculous, but that's because it is. I'm okay with that. Also, it's long, but I feel that it's necessary. I'm in a predicament right now, and I just need to get this out of my system [no pun intended...ha].
Part I
Let me tell you about one of the grossest, most horrifying dreams I had. [I was probably in third or fourth grade.] So once upon a time, I was sitting in my elementary school's cafeteria, and it was macaroni and cheese day. [1. I love macaroni and cheese, but I was a packer, not a buyer, so I didn't pay much attention to school lunches. 2. The macaroni and cheese my school had was white.] All of a sudden, one of the lunch ladies sits down next to me, and spoon feeds me an enormous amount of this white mac and cheese. I was getting sick, but she just kept forcing spoonfuls and spoonfuls of it down my throat. I remember feeling so nauseous and it woke me up. As soon as I sat up, I threw up all over the place. Turns out, I got a stomach flu bug, I didn't actually get sick from imaginary mac and cheese overload, but anyhow I was [and apparently still am] scarred for life. I'm a picky eater as it is, but I blame that dream for my gagging at the sight of any white cream sauces.
Part II
I'm getting kind of old, and I'm trying to expand my horizons in the eating world and not be a picky eater anymore! A few weeks ago, I went to my ward's date night, which was a progressive dinner. Before I could protest, a plate of chicken alfredo was placed in front of me. I was a little nervous, but I realized this was my chance. I could conquer my fear and hatred of white sauces forever. I decided to be brave, and I succeeded. I liked alfredo sauce! I won! My brain can no longer associate white cream sauces with puking, and I discovered a fancy sounding food that I can make/eat! I'm such a champion!
Part III
I let my confidence run wild in the grocery store. I buy stuff to make fettuccine alfredo. I'm starting to get pumped to make it and prove my adulthood to the world. [or at least to myself, since I'm not cooking for the world...]
Part IV
I decide to make fettuccine alfredo yesterday, at about 3 in the afternoon. There ended up being a lot more sauce than noodles, so I was a little sad/grossed out, but I figured it would go away once it cooled off. [don't ask me where I thought it would go] Okay, so, logically, it didn't go away. There was a lot of sauce, but I wasn't worried because I had tried alfredo sauce before and I liked it! I wasn't about to let those elementary school lunch lady nightmares get in my way of my... whatever meal you have after about three lunches, but still not quite dinner... So I am eating my creation, and it is dang good for about the first five minutes. After that, I kind of realize that there is way too much sauce for each noodle, and I'm a little grossed out, but mostly hungry so I don't mind. I finally am full enough to stop eating, and I shove it in the fridge for later. I figured I would be safe.
Part V
I chill out and read, and realize that I'm not feeling so hot. I thought I just ate too much. I ended up psyching and grossing myself out to the max over this. I can just feel the alfredo sitting in the bottom of my stomach, saying, 'Remember that dream you had about the white mac and cheese? And then you threw up?' It's all I can think about. It's all I can taste. I'm completely wigged out, and I haven't eaten anything else in the past 24 hours. My left over alfredo is in the very front of my fridge, and I know if I go get something else to eat I will have to look at it. I feel guilty about throwing it away, because it would be good for probably two more meals, but I'm not going to pawn off my germy pasta to someone else. So here I am, writing about my borderline irrational situation, trying to convince myself not to throw up, to go eat something substantial, and maybe to throw away the blasted alfredo.

2. I put in a 'mail forwarding request' to UPS because I changed addresses, but it's forwarding my mail to my house, instead of to my new apartment. At least my mail is going somewhere? Not where I want it to go. A few days ago, I even got a confirmation letter from the UPS saying that whatever I did worked. They lie.

3. I got the most lovely package yesterday! I almost peed my pants. And by almost, I mean I might have.

4. I feel like my days are either really phenomenal or really blah. There really isn't an in between, which is weird.

5. I'm trying to decide if I like spaces or no spaces between the numbers.

6. The level of creep I am probably comes out even to most spies and undercover cops. Today I was blog-stalking some friends of friends that I don't really know at all. Now, I'm not perfect by any means, and my blog is nowhere near professional status, but it's still public, and anyone who wants to could read it. I found a few good, healthy rants about specific people in some of my stalked blogs! I have a bit of an issue with this! One, if you're going to claim to be a nice, friendly, and more importantly, classy and mature, person, then don't publicly complain about other [very specific] people! We all get pissed off, and we all have those people who we can't stand in our life, and it's great to get those nasty feelings out! But really, hike up your privacy settings, or something. [I am kind of contradicting myself a tiny bit, but there's no way you would know who I'm talking about, and to find said blog with said complaints took some serious creep work. Plus, there are tons of people that probably do that.]

7. I like to think that I'm fun and that I like to play sports and games involving athletic talent, but I really don't. I get really excited for like. five minutes about frisbee, or volleyball, or whatever it is, and then I'm done. I would rather go clip my toenails or something than keep playing, but I feel guilty, so I try to stick it out. I'm good at faking it for another sixty seconds or so, before I just stand there and make no effort and just make everyone on my team really frustrated because I am un-athletic and apathetic. Even though I'm not even trying to fake like I give a cuss, I feel like if I stopped playing, I would feel guilty and/or make my team feel guilty! Like, oh man, that poor girl sucks, we should have passed it to her more just so she feels good about herself and so she knows we care! This is when they start giving me more opportunities to play/show off my unfortunate lack of coordination, and my level of apathy and frustration skyrocket. I suck, I don't want to play anymore, and I'm totally confident about myself! You don't need to cheer for me because you're nice, just get someone to take my spot so I can leave!

8. A few months ago, I was walking down some steps in Helaman to get to my dorm, and I totally ate it. I'm not exactly sure how, but I was walking one moment, and diving the next. My brain kicked in super fast, like a pro, and I caught myself, but I still looked really dumb. I looked around to see if anyone saw me, and I totally made eye contact with this chick! My tactic to diffuse the awkwardness was to laugh, and to get her to laugh with me, but she totally shot me down and just stared at me, like I was some helpless little animal. I'm glad BYU is a big school, and that you hardly see strangers twice. I thought of this story because it's a similar feeling to my number seven situation.

9. My right arm muscle is cramping like freaking crazy. It hurts. Hopefully that means I'm going to have good-looking arms. Please, oh please, oh please, oh please...

10. I have been 'exercising' at the indoor track on campus around the same time each morning. Today while I was getting ready to go, I went to go put on my shirt that I wore 'exercising' yesterday, but then I was like. nah, the regular 'exercisers' will notice and judge me. So I get to the track, and notice one of the regulars. Wearing the same shirt she wore yesterday. Rock on purple high school drama club shirt girl. You made me smile.

11. I seriously HATE taking medicine, even Tylenol. I won't unless I'm absolutely crippling over and completely can't function. It really wigs me out.

12. I will forever be in love with Stephen Sondheim.

13. I want to learn how to be good at Excel. I tried taking a test in the student employment office, and I surrendered. I thought I could at least function with it, but I was wrong. I feel like it's useful, though. Maybe the library has a class.

14. I want to volunteer at the MTC again. I'm going to make that happen.

15. I may not be right about this, but I don't care. Here's a conversation I have frequently:
[lame person] ...blahblahblah... So, where are you from?
[me] Ohio.
[lp] Oh wow! There aren't too many people from the midwest here! See, my family's from Nebraska, that's basically the same, except not at all because I'm a total moron.
I looked it up on Wikipedia, and technically Ohio is a 'midwestern state'. But I tell people I'm from the east anyhow. Not the midwest. I'm not from Nebraska, or Iowa, or one of those places with corn and windmills. [Wow, I make Ohio sound really civilized.. hm...] But really. Ohio isn't on the coast, but I'm pretty sure since we're in the eastern time zone, that makes us east. And really, midwest just sounds really lame.
East- civilization! cool!
West- cowboys! cool!
Middle east- culture! pretty cool!
Midwest- corn? tornadoes? hm.

16. I'm not a big tv/movie person. I don't dislike it, but it's hard for me to get into it sometimes.

17. I'm NEVER bored. Growing up as the only kid in my house, I can entertain myself for an eternity. I don't understand how people can complain about being bored. It's a little self-degrading, I think!

18. I'm looking into the sociology major with a minor in international development. Does that sound really fancy? I think it does.

19. I've been going to the biofeedback lab on campus so I can learn to not be a walking anxiety disorder all the time. It's pretty awesome. They hook you up to machines, make you sit in a comfy recliner chair, and play recordings of old hippie women telling you to breathe with harp music playing in the background. If you have the chance to try it, I recommend it.