Friday, May 13, 2011

I would apologize for the obnoxious length of this, but the number one point of my blog is for me to write. You reading it is number two, which is still important, but not as important as number one. I enjoyed writing this, which makes me 100% happy, and with the way my brain functions, even if you hated it 100%, my 100% happy level doesn't decrease. Isn't that great? I'm just rolling in mud, either way!

1. This will sound really ridiculous, but that's because it is. I'm okay with that. Also, it's long, but I feel that it's necessary. I'm in a predicament right now, and I just need to get this out of my system [no pun intended...ha].
Part I
Let me tell you about one of the grossest, most horrifying dreams I had. [I was probably in third or fourth grade.] So once upon a time, I was sitting in my elementary school's cafeteria, and it was macaroni and cheese day. [1. I love macaroni and cheese, but I was a packer, not a buyer, so I didn't pay much attention to school lunches. 2. The macaroni and cheese my school had was white.] All of a sudden, one of the lunch ladies sits down next to me, and spoon feeds me an enormous amount of this white mac and cheese. I was getting sick, but she just kept forcing spoonfuls and spoonfuls of it down my throat. I remember feeling so nauseous and it woke me up. As soon as I sat up, I threw up all over the place. Turns out, I got a stomach flu bug, I didn't actually get sick from imaginary mac and cheese overload, but anyhow I was [and apparently still am] scarred for life. I'm a picky eater as it is, but I blame that dream for my gagging at the sight of any white cream sauces.
Part II
I'm getting kind of old, and I'm trying to expand my horizons in the eating world and not be a picky eater anymore! A few weeks ago, I went to my ward's date night, which was a progressive dinner. Before I could protest, a plate of chicken alfredo was placed in front of me. I was a little nervous, but I realized this was my chance. I could conquer my fear and hatred of white sauces forever. I decided to be brave, and I succeeded. I liked alfredo sauce! I won! My brain can no longer associate white cream sauces with puking, and I discovered a fancy sounding food that I can make/eat! I'm such a champion!
Part III
I let my confidence run wild in the grocery store. I buy stuff to make fettuccine alfredo. I'm starting to get pumped to make it and prove my adulthood to the world. [or at least to myself, since I'm not cooking for the world...]
Part IV
I decide to make fettuccine alfredo yesterday, at about 3 in the afternoon. There ended up being a lot more sauce than noodles, so I was a little sad/grossed out, but I figured it would go away once it cooled off. [don't ask me where I thought it would go] Okay, so, logically, it didn't go away. There was a lot of sauce, but I wasn't worried because I had tried alfredo sauce before and I liked it! I wasn't about to let those elementary school lunch lady nightmares get in my way of my... whatever meal you have after about three lunches, but still not quite dinner... So I am eating my creation, and it is dang good for about the first five minutes. After that, I kind of realize that there is way too much sauce for each noodle, and I'm a little grossed out, but mostly hungry so I don't mind. I finally am full enough to stop eating, and I shove it in the fridge for later. I figured I would be safe.
Part V
I chill out and read, and realize that I'm not feeling so hot. I thought I just ate too much. I ended up psyching and grossing myself out to the max over this. I can just feel the alfredo sitting in the bottom of my stomach, saying, 'Remember that dream you had about the white mac and cheese? And then you threw up?' It's all I can think about. It's all I can taste. I'm completely wigged out, and I haven't eaten anything else in the past 24 hours. My left over alfredo is in the very front of my fridge, and I know if I go get something else to eat I will have to look at it. I feel guilty about throwing it away, because it would be good for probably two more meals, but I'm not going to pawn off my germy pasta to someone else. So here I am, writing about my borderline irrational situation, trying to convince myself not to throw up, to go eat something substantial, and maybe to throw away the blasted alfredo.

2. I put in a 'mail forwarding request' to UPS because I changed addresses, but it's forwarding my mail to my house, instead of to my new apartment. At least my mail is going somewhere? Not where I want it to go. A few days ago, I even got a confirmation letter from the UPS saying that whatever I did worked. They lie.

3. I got the most lovely package yesterday! I almost peed my pants. And by almost, I mean I might have.

4. I feel like my days are either really phenomenal or really blah. There really isn't an in between, which is weird.

5. I'm trying to decide if I like spaces or no spaces between the numbers.

6. The level of creep I am probably comes out even to most spies and undercover cops. Today I was blog-stalking some friends of friends that I don't really know at all. Now, I'm not perfect by any means, and my blog is nowhere near professional status, but it's still public, and anyone who wants to could read it. I found a few good, healthy rants about specific people in some of my stalked blogs! I have a bit of an issue with this! One, if you're going to claim to be a nice, friendly, and more importantly, classy and mature, person, then don't publicly complain about other [very specific] people! We all get pissed off, and we all have those people who we can't stand in our life, and it's great to get those nasty feelings out! But really, hike up your privacy settings, or something. [I am kind of contradicting myself a tiny bit, but there's no way you would know who I'm talking about, and to find said blog with said complaints took some serious creep work. Plus, there are tons of people that probably do that.]

7. I like to think that I'm fun and that I like to play sports and games involving athletic talent, but I really don't. I get really excited for like. five minutes about frisbee, or volleyball, or whatever it is, and then I'm done. I would rather go clip my toenails or something than keep playing, but I feel guilty, so I try to stick it out. I'm good at faking it for another sixty seconds or so, before I just stand there and make no effort and just make everyone on my team really frustrated because I am un-athletic and apathetic. Even though I'm not even trying to fake like I give a cuss, I feel like if I stopped playing, I would feel guilty and/or make my team feel guilty! Like, oh man, that poor girl sucks, we should have passed it to her more just so she feels good about herself and so she knows we care! This is when they start giving me more opportunities to play/show off my unfortunate lack of coordination, and my level of apathy and frustration skyrocket. I suck, I don't want to play anymore, and I'm totally confident about myself! You don't need to cheer for me because you're nice, just get someone to take my spot so I can leave!

8. A few months ago, I was walking down some steps in Helaman to get to my dorm, and I totally ate it. I'm not exactly sure how, but I was walking one moment, and diving the next. My brain kicked in super fast, like a pro, and I caught myself, but I still looked really dumb. I looked around to see if anyone saw me, and I totally made eye contact with this chick! My tactic to diffuse the awkwardness was to laugh, and to get her to laugh with me, but she totally shot me down and just stared at me, like I was some helpless little animal. I'm glad BYU is a big school, and that you hardly see strangers twice. I thought of this story because it's a similar feeling to my number seven situation.

9. My right arm muscle is cramping like freaking crazy. It hurts. Hopefully that means I'm going to have good-looking arms. Please, oh please, oh please, oh please...

10. I have been 'exercising' at the indoor track on campus around the same time each morning. Today while I was getting ready to go, I went to go put on my shirt that I wore 'exercising' yesterday, but then I was like. nah, the regular 'exercisers' will notice and judge me. So I get to the track, and notice one of the regulars. Wearing the same shirt she wore yesterday. Rock on purple high school drama club shirt girl. You made me smile.

11. I seriously HATE taking medicine, even Tylenol. I won't unless I'm absolutely crippling over and completely can't function. It really wigs me out.

12. I will forever be in love with Stephen Sondheim.

13. I want to learn how to be good at Excel. I tried taking a test in the student employment office, and I surrendered. I thought I could at least function with it, but I was wrong. I feel like it's useful, though. Maybe the library has a class.

14. I want to volunteer at the MTC again. I'm going to make that happen.

15. I may not be right about this, but I don't care. Here's a conversation I have frequently:
[lame person] ...blahblahblah... So, where are you from?
[me] Ohio.
[lp] Oh wow! There aren't too many people from the midwest here! See, my family's from Nebraska, that's basically the same, except not at all because I'm a total moron.
I looked it up on Wikipedia, and technically Ohio is a 'midwestern state'. But I tell people I'm from the east anyhow. Not the midwest. I'm not from Nebraska, or Iowa, or one of those places with corn and windmills. [Wow, I make Ohio sound really civilized.. hm...] But really. Ohio isn't on the coast, but I'm pretty sure since we're in the eastern time zone, that makes us east. And really, midwest just sounds really lame.
East- civilization! cool!
West- cowboys! cool!
Middle east- culture! pretty cool!
Midwest- corn? tornadoes? hm.

16. I'm not a big tv/movie person. I don't dislike it, but it's hard for me to get into it sometimes.

17. I'm NEVER bored. Growing up as the only kid in my house, I can entertain myself for an eternity. I don't understand how people can complain about being bored. It's a little self-degrading, I think!

18. I'm looking into the sociology major with a minor in international development. Does that sound really fancy? I think it does.

19. I've been going to the biofeedback lab on campus so I can learn to not be a walking anxiety disorder all the time. It's pretty awesome. They hook you up to machines, make you sit in a comfy recliner chair, and play recordings of old hippie women telling you to breathe with harp music playing in the background. If you have the chance to try it, I recommend it.

1 comment:

  1. You will understand my phobia for M&Ms. I ate a whole 1 lb bag one afternoon when I was 7. I still can't eat them. No problem with cheap chocolate or candy coatings, just no M&Ms.

    I wish I could give you 10 minutes in a box, in which you could see how fabulous Jessica is. Curious, unafraid, quirky, an original. So when you have those klutzy days, just look in the box, OK?

    Your personality come through in your writing. That is great thing.